My mother just got out of surgery for a mastectomy. They found malignant tissue in her lymphnodes. I heard my father cry for about the third time in my almost 21 years of existance. The song I was listening to when my dad called? You guessed it...

Goodbye Blue Sky  
 By Pink Floyd
[ look, mummy. theres an airplane up in the sky. ]

Did you, did you see the frightened ones?
Did you, did you hear the falling bombs?
Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter,
When the promise of a brave new world,
Unfurled beneath a clear blue sky?

Did you, did you see the frightened ones?
Did you, did you hear the falling bombs?
The flames are all long gone,
But the pain lingers on.
Goodbye, blue sky.
Goodbye, blue sky.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.

My mother lies in a hospital bed
a few thousand miles away and all I can think about
is how much I wish I was there...
Childhood knowledge that death will never come
not for them, not for her
that she will be there
to care for you
to love you
to nag you
always
so assured and so
safe
refusing to believe
as if that will change the outcome
as if that can protect her.
so stretch out your fingers
feel the empty air
of lost hope and
sorrow
clench your fists
deny the truth
finally
withdraw into self
if the pain is unacknowldged does it exist?